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  • Nicole Sherwin

TV Review: Million Dollar Beach House

Updated: Sep 26, 2020

If you loved 'Selling Sunset'...meh, this will do.

Source: Marie Claire

This segment is from the Large Almond Latte Podcast Episode: "BAII Social Taboos, Avoiding Vicious Felonies & Million Dollar Beach House." Listen here.

Million Dollar Beach House (Netflix) follows five real estate agents flogging McMansions in The Hamptons.

The houses are luxe of course. But honestly, they bang on about ‘The Hamptons’ being the most exclusive place in the world. And yes, obviously while I’m sure the White Party in season two of Gossip Girl is the greatest White Party that has ever been in the history of White Parties, mmm in general, like including the houses, the food, the beaches… I think we can do better. Am I just jealous? Probably, but they obviously haven’t been to Portsea or Lorne. Definitely not to Byron Bay, which is actually the most expensive place in Australia to buy a house. ("Hey Siri - remind me to pitch this reality show; Selling Byron Bay. A group of hot Instagram Influencers/Anti Vaxxers selling $18 million properties to Chris Hemsworth’s friends.)

Fight, fight, fight! Source: House Beautiful

Speaking of the cast, no they don't look like the gals on Selling Sunset, but who does? But you also don’t really get to know the cast like you do on Selling Sunset, which makes it all a bit vapid. We all know when it comes to reality TV, drama is king and the setting is just a visually appealing backdrop, but Million Dollar Beach House just doesn’t bring the goods on this front. Look honestly, I even usually love the less thrilling, but heartstring-pulling wholesome storyline, but they don’t even offer that up either.

There’s two friends from high…and...and well one of them is going to be a ‘dad’ soon so he has to shape up and make some money this summer so he can support his family. That’s his whole storyline. And btw, you’re making $150K commissions, I think you’ll be right buddy.

$35 Million? Wouldn't have thought. Source: Netflix.

The only real drama is between the arrogant nob Noel and this girl Peggy. You know how men aren’t afraid to apply for jobs they know they're not qualified for, or ask for a pay rise for themselves, but women are much more reserved when it comes to professionally pumping up their own tyres? I’m not being sexist, it’s a thing. Well this is a case study in that. Noel lists this house at $35 million, which is like the equivalent of charging $100 for a Big Mac. It’s a nice burger, but a laughable price that you’re not paying no matter how drunk you are. Noel doesn't want Peggy bringing buyers through because he thinks she's unprofes, but Peggy, who is actually good at her job brings a buyer, and not only keeps his sunglasses on inside, but also doesn’t even know where the phone chargers in the house are. Jeez, Noel.

It’s definitely no Selling Sunset. But it’s very ‘okay’ background viewing.


Thirsty for more? Enlighten your earholes with a new ep of the Large Almond Latte Podcast every Tuesday.


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