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  • Nicole Sherwin

Your Top 5 Most Useless Skills

Updated: Jun 17, 2021

So, this week we posted the question - what is your most useless skill? As submitted by you in the Facebook group 'Large Almond Latte.'

5. Remembering Movie Lines

Polina and Christina can both remember movie lines. Polina knows all of Harry Potter. For me, that specific movie is quite useless because I absolutely never want to be in a situation with anyone where they’re reciting me lines from Harry Potter. It could only be worse if I was hearing it from J.K Rowling herself, while she was casually slipping in her thoughts on trans rights.

But in general, I am envious of the skill at hand. I can never remember song lyrics or movie lines. You know when you’re out and everyone is singing along to a banger? I never know the words, so I have a trick. I mouth the words ‘peanut butter elephant’ on repeat and it looks like I’m singing along.

I promise it works, try it.

4. Independent Eye Ball Movement

Georgia can move her eye balls independently of each other. Initially, I can see how this would appear to be useless, but I know where it would come in handy. Personally, for me, jury duty is my dream job, but if it’s not for you, I strongly feel that if you stood in front of the judge and move your eyeballs around, you’d look batshit and be dismissed immediately.

3. Remembering Landline Numbers

Michelle and Claire can both remember landline numbers from their childhood and since these don’t even connect anymore, that is 100% useless. And occupying brain space that could be taken up by mobile phone numbers. It makes me think of how I have this constant, rather far-fetched fear. I’ll wake up one day in the middle of nowhere with no phone. I don’t know how I got there, maybe like lizard Illuminati, or I’ve just escaped a cult, (Yeah, that’s juicier). Anyway, I need to contact my next of kin without my phone, but I can’t, because I don’t know anyone’s number. So gals, you need to ctrl, alt, delete those landlines and replace them with mobiles, stat.

2. Remembering an Indonesian Greeting Song

Xtina can remember an Indonesian greeting song from her Year 9 Indonesian class. Which would be actually useful, if we were allowed to go to Indonesia and greet people. Even if we could do that, for me it’s a classic 10 thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, because I really need it to be in Balinese and not Indonesian, because let’s be honest, if 90% of us Strayans are going anywhere in Indo, it’s Bali.

1. Ability to Tell The Olsen Twins Apart

Fan Moni can tell the difference between Mary Kate and Ashley. From 1996-2004, this skill would have been resume-worthy and it absolutely pains me that it’s now completely redundant because the Olsen Twins just refuse to live their best life, which is obviously making straight to DVD movies for their cult following.

What other useless skills do you have?


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